"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12
Oh my goodness! It's been a crazy few weeks since I last blogged. Between working on my Scentsy business, making cakes, caring for sick kiddos, and being sick myself my Made to Crave book got back burnered. So I'm officially back!
True confessions: I quit journaling my food for about two weeks. Result - thankfully, I didn't gain any weight back, but I also didn't lose anything. I guess that is just an affirmation that journaling really does help me with being accountable to myself - and in turn it shows on the scale. So today is day two of journaling again, and this morning it showed with about half a pound of loss from yesterday.
Getting back to the book - chapter four is about, what else but ACCOUNTABILITY! My last couple of weeks have shown that accountability is absolutely crucial for me!
When a friend experiences success with healthy food choices I can't help but to feel inspired and encouraged. I am one of those people that doesn't believe in any kind of "miracle diet" or "weight loss pills", etc. I know that surgery can work - but all it really does is jump start your weight loss. If you have surgery and fall back into your old eating habits, the weight will return. In my mind, the only thing that makes sense for true, long term weight loss is to change your lifestyle. That includes eating and activity level. So for me, when I have talked to one friend that has lost quite a bit of weight and kept it off for a couple of years now, I am very inspired. We have talked about changes she has made in her diet, foods that she avoids, and challenges that she still faces. When I talk to this friend - I feel very inspired because what she has done, while it's been a lot of hard work, is also absolutely within my reach. And it helped me figure out the areas that I could change first in my own diet to start my own life transformation.
I am also happy to be sharing this journey with my mom. I know that she has struggled with her weight her entire adult life - and it's a struggle I've watched and lived through with her. I think that if we continue to be accountable to each other as well that it will aid in both of us being successful with our weight loss.
In addition to the accountability measures I have taken with journaling, and also working on this with my mom - this blog has become accountability for me as well. I know that there are a few of you out there reading what I am writing, and some of you maybe even taking this journey with me. Knowing that you are waiting for my next post, and praying with me along the way definitely helps keep me motivated to keep going! So thank you my friends for that!
Most importantly, by reading this book and incorporating prayer and scripture into my weight loss journey, I am accountable to God. I really like the last part of the scripture that I wrote at the top of this blog - the part about a cord of three strands not being easily broken. If I look at myself as one strand, my mom and all of you as the second, and God as the third - there is no way I can fail!
Blessings to you!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
More Beneficial than I thought...
Okay, time for another check in. I hope to get back on later today with my next chapter of the book. But for now, I just wanted to talk about what I learned this weekend.
So, yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday! (Go Giants!!!) And I knew it was coming, and we had friends coming from church to watch the game with us. And because I have been doing so well with my eating, I was going to allow myself the day to enjoy my Super Bowl goodies and have a "blow off" day with the diet. This is the "Everything is permissible" part of the scripture I wrote on my refrigerator that first day.
So here is what I am learning... I did eat my chips and queso, Angie's monkey bread and taco dip, and Erica's bruschetta and burgers... I don't feel like I overdid it - I only filled my plate once, and I really didn't do a lot of grazing. It was definitely more than I have been eating for the last month, and a lot more carbs and fat. And then there was the half a brownie and a few bites of ice cream cake... Talk about sugar overload!
So after all was said and done, I was exhausted from a full day and I went to bed and fell right asleep. And at about 10:00 my eyes popped open and I was wide awake... Sigh. I recognized this feeling - my body is tired, but my heart and mind are racing and no matter how cozy and comfy I was in my bed, there was no going back to sleep. I tried reading and that didn't help. I finally got out of bed and sat up watching TVland reruns until I drifted off sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning.
I have had nights like this before - more times than I care to count. I've always attributed it to anxiety attacks because many times they would happen when I was carrying a large emotional burden. But truly yesterday, I felt at peace with the world. Nothing hanging over my head, or weighing me down emotionally. A fun day spent with friends and family. And the Giants won the Superbowl - and lets face it... If it couldn't be the Bronco's then I am glad it was my newly adopted second choice - the Giants!
So I am starting to wonder... (Please don't think I'm slow or anything, this truly just never occurred to me before...) Could my insomnia be completely food related? I have been so careful to avoid a lot of sugar, chocolate, white flour, fried foods, etc. And yesterday I ate plenty of those things. And last night I couldn't sleep. Hmmm... And it would stand to reason that on those previous nights, when I was so weighed down emotionally, I probably didn't eat very well those days either. (An emotional eater, right?) So maybe while the sleepless nights of the past were spent feeling very anxious about whatever situations were stressing me out, it wasn't the anxiety that kept me awake in the first place - but the carb overload and the caffeine overload and the sugar overload...
This brings me to the second half of the verse I wrote on my refrigerator that first week... "Not everything is beneficial..." So while in fact I know that there are obviously health benefits, as well as the benefit of losing weight, that will come with making the right food choices. I am starting to realize that I will probably uncover even more benefits as I go along on this journey. And I pray that God will keep my mind and heart open to learning and exploring what these benefits might be.
I will post later about Chapter 4 in the book. Until then, blessings to you!
So, yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday! (Go Giants!!!) And I knew it was coming, and we had friends coming from church to watch the game with us. And because I have been doing so well with my eating, I was going to allow myself the day to enjoy my Super Bowl goodies and have a "blow off" day with the diet. This is the "Everything is permissible" part of the scripture I wrote on my refrigerator that first day.
So here is what I am learning... I did eat my chips and queso, Angie's monkey bread and taco dip, and Erica's bruschetta and burgers... I don't feel like I overdid it - I only filled my plate once, and I really didn't do a lot of grazing. It was definitely more than I have been eating for the last month, and a lot more carbs and fat. And then there was the half a brownie and a few bites of ice cream cake... Talk about sugar overload!
So after all was said and done, I was exhausted from a full day and I went to bed and fell right asleep. And at about 10:00 my eyes popped open and I was wide awake... Sigh. I recognized this feeling - my body is tired, but my heart and mind are racing and no matter how cozy and comfy I was in my bed, there was no going back to sleep. I tried reading and that didn't help. I finally got out of bed and sat up watching TVland reruns until I drifted off sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning.
I have had nights like this before - more times than I care to count. I've always attributed it to anxiety attacks because many times they would happen when I was carrying a large emotional burden. But truly yesterday, I felt at peace with the world. Nothing hanging over my head, or weighing me down emotionally. A fun day spent with friends and family. And the Giants won the Superbowl - and lets face it... If it couldn't be the Bronco's then I am glad it was my newly adopted second choice - the Giants!
So I am starting to wonder... (Please don't think I'm slow or anything, this truly just never occurred to me before...) Could my insomnia be completely food related? I have been so careful to avoid a lot of sugar, chocolate, white flour, fried foods, etc. And yesterday I ate plenty of those things. And last night I couldn't sleep. Hmmm... And it would stand to reason that on those previous nights, when I was so weighed down emotionally, I probably didn't eat very well those days either. (An emotional eater, right?) So maybe while the sleepless nights of the past were spent feeling very anxious about whatever situations were stressing me out, it wasn't the anxiety that kept me awake in the first place - but the carb overload and the caffeine overload and the sugar overload...
This brings me to the second half of the verse I wrote on my refrigerator that first week... "Not everything is beneficial..." So while in fact I know that there are obviously health benefits, as well as the benefit of losing weight, that will come with making the right food choices. I am starting to realize that I will probably uncover even more benefits as I go along on this journey. And I pray that God will keep my mind and heart open to learning and exploring what these benefits might be.
I will post later about Chapter 4 in the book. Until then, blessings to you!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Just Checking In...
So I know it's been several days since my last post - and for those of you hanging on my every word (haha!) I didn't want to leave you hanging any longer. The reason I haven't posted is not because I've fallen off the wagon and don't want you to know about it. LOL!
This past Monday I started attending a Made to Crave bible study, and in an effort to really focus myself on what we are doing with the group, I have gone back to the beginning of the book and am rereading the first chapters. Since my blog has been going chapter by chapter, we don't get to chapter four until next week...
For now I will share some of my struggles and victories with my journey thus far. Struggles - I have definitely caught myself feeling stressed out with the kids a few times, and as a result feeling like, "who cares? I am just going pick up Taco Bell for lunch and be done with it..." And I have even given in one time. But the little victory I found in that, is that because I have been eating better, and journaling my food, and really being accountable to the journal if sometimes nothing else - I got my taco bell, and was only able to eat half of my burrito - AND I journaled it and still didn't go over my allotted calories for the day.
Another challenge for me has been eating out in general. But the thing that has been really cool for me is that I have gone back to that first bible verse about everything being permissible, but not everything is beneficial. And what I have found is that on the days that I really work on limiting my simple carbs, and not eating fried or high fat foods, I definitely see the numbers on the scale drop more dramatically. But on the days that I allow myself to eat that cheese enchilada, refried beans and chips and salsa at the mexican restaurant but still keep myself within my calorie range for the day - I may not see the scale move as much, or even at all... But as long as it isn't moving up, then it is still a victory for me.
One thing I have really enjoyed is scouring Pinterest for yummy, low cal - low fat recipes. I made a salad yesterday with avocado, tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil, and a tiny drizzle of olive oil. I scooped it into some romaine leaves and had a delicious meal for just over 200 calories... And the day before my lunch was a portabello mushroom cap with a little bit of chunky tomato sauce in it, with a sprinkle of 2% mozzarella cheese baked on it - a "pizza" for under 150 calories. Good stuff!
So if you are waiting for the numbers... I try not to focus on that, but who am I kidding? That is where you can really "see" the progress, right? So as of my weigh in yesterday morning - I am down 12 pounds... So while for me right now, the biggest victory is the fact that I am three weeks into this and definitely feeling better and have been able to say no and avoid many daily temptations, and I'm still hanging in there... Another great victory is that I can fit into not only my "skinny" jeans, but also another pair of jeans that I thought I just wouldn't ever get back into.
And I just want to give a shout out to a few people who have told me about some of their own personal struggles as a result of reading my blog. You know who you are, and I am so honored to know that reading about my journey has helped encourage you to start your own journeys or reinspired you to get back on track. I am praying for all of you as you face your daily temptations, and I hope that you will continue to keep me posted on your progress as well. It really inspires me to know that I have friends on this journey with me.
God bless you all!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Letting go and letting God
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
The author begins chapter three talking about admiring a flower garden, and realizing that there is no way to have a flower garden without putting the hard work into planting, tending, and growing the flowers. She talks about how that applies to so many things in life - we want the results without having to commit to the work. We cannot "wish fat away".
This journey is going to require a plan. I love plans! I love making lists! I love feeling like I have some sort of control over what is going to happen - how things will play out. I can plan until the cows come home! Having a plan always feels empowering to me.
Where I often fall short is in following the plans. Completing the lists. It's very easy to make excuses when I am the only one I am accountable to with my plans.
The author talks about her changing body revealing all her eating secrets - poor choices in food would rat her out every time.
The concept of "eating secrets" hits very close to home. I have eaten countless meals after my children went to bed, or left for school, so that I can eat alone. I have told myself that it is just so I can enjoy my food without the interruptions, or the stress that trying to eat with 3 children can bring. And many times, this really is my motivation. But there have also been plenty of times that I have done this so I wouldn't have to answer to anyone about what I was eating - or share it with them. Again, part of my motivation is good here - I want my children to have good eating habits, and I don't want them to learn by watching my bad ones.
Obviously though, my body gives that little secret away. And as my kids get older, they will realize that I am not practicing what I preach.
So I need to develop a plan. And not only do I need to develop this plan, but I need to stick to it. And that is part of my motivation for writing this blog. Accountability and support. The thought of making a plan is empowering to me - when I see it all written out, it seems easy to follow. And I also love a challenge - so that helps me as well.
So basically, the only thing stopping me from succeeding here is me... And that is where I need to alter plans I have tried before. I need to add prayer to my plan - as I wrote about previously. So for now, my plan has been to eat lean meats, plenty of veggies and fruit, some carbs - but preferably whole grains and not too many, and high protein snacks between meals to help keep me from feeling too hungry. And a very big part of my plan right now is to avoid even tasting the things that are the most tempting to me, i.e. nacho cheese Doritos. Because I know that once I start, it is very hard to stop, and it only leads to me craving more!
And so far, I have discovered that after almost 40 years of turning up my nose to it, I actually like celery! And with the right spices and flavors, almonds make a very tasty snack. And if I bring a healthy snack to church with me, I can choose to ignore the cinnamon rolls and coffee cake that the other people around me are eating, because I am chewing on something that I know will be beneficial. And another thing that I am learning, and am actually really looking forward to, is that I can still love food - because there is a world full of flavors out there for me to discover - and flavor doesn't have to mean fat! I'm excited to experiment with spices and herbs and vegetables in my own kitchen to see what new, healthy, and most importantly DELICIOUS recipes I can come up with!
And in those moments, which I'm sure will come all too often at first, when I am weak and I want to reach for the quick, unhealthy snacks - my plan is to pray. And let God do the rest.
God bless you!
The author begins chapter three talking about admiring a flower garden, and realizing that there is no way to have a flower garden without putting the hard work into planting, tending, and growing the flowers. She talks about how that applies to so many things in life - we want the results without having to commit to the work. We cannot "wish fat away".
This journey is going to require a plan. I love plans! I love making lists! I love feeling like I have some sort of control over what is going to happen - how things will play out. I can plan until the cows come home! Having a plan always feels empowering to me.
Where I often fall short is in following the plans. Completing the lists. It's very easy to make excuses when I am the only one I am accountable to with my plans.
The author talks about her changing body revealing all her eating secrets - poor choices in food would rat her out every time.
The concept of "eating secrets" hits very close to home. I have eaten countless meals after my children went to bed, or left for school, so that I can eat alone. I have told myself that it is just so I can enjoy my food without the interruptions, or the stress that trying to eat with 3 children can bring. And many times, this really is my motivation. But there have also been plenty of times that I have done this so I wouldn't have to answer to anyone about what I was eating - or share it with them. Again, part of my motivation is good here - I want my children to have good eating habits, and I don't want them to learn by watching my bad ones.
Obviously though, my body gives that little secret away. And as my kids get older, they will realize that I am not practicing what I preach.
So I need to develop a plan. And not only do I need to develop this plan, but I need to stick to it. And that is part of my motivation for writing this blog. Accountability and support. The thought of making a plan is empowering to me - when I see it all written out, it seems easy to follow. And I also love a challenge - so that helps me as well.
So basically, the only thing stopping me from succeeding here is me... And that is where I need to alter plans I have tried before. I need to add prayer to my plan - as I wrote about previously. So for now, my plan has been to eat lean meats, plenty of veggies and fruit, some carbs - but preferably whole grains and not too many, and high protein snacks between meals to help keep me from feeling too hungry. And a very big part of my plan right now is to avoid even tasting the things that are the most tempting to me, i.e. nacho cheese Doritos. Because I know that once I start, it is very hard to stop, and it only leads to me craving more!
And so far, I have discovered that after almost 40 years of turning up my nose to it, I actually like celery! And with the right spices and flavors, almonds make a very tasty snack. And if I bring a healthy snack to church with me, I can choose to ignore the cinnamon rolls and coffee cake that the other people around me are eating, because I am chewing on something that I know will be beneficial. And another thing that I am learning, and am actually really looking forward to, is that I can still love food - because there is a world full of flavors out there for me to discover - and flavor doesn't have to mean fat! I'm excited to experiment with spices and herbs and vegetables in my own kitchen to see what new, healthy, and most importantly DELICIOUS recipes I can come up with!
And in those moments, which I'm sure will come all too often at first, when I am weak and I want to reach for the quick, unhealthy snacks - my plan is to pray. And let God do the rest.
God bless you!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tower of Impossibility
Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. (Psalm 5:1-3)
While I was reading chapter 2 this morning it really hit close to home. So close, in fact, that it could have been written about me. The author started the chapter by talking about her morning ritual - so very similar to my own - and how it seemed to be a vicious cycle that she was powerless to stop.
My morning ritual goes something like this: I roll out of bed at 4:30 a.m. with the absolute resolve that today is the day I will stick to my plan and make the right choices all day long. I walk into the living room to sit down for a bit of quiet time before the kids get out of bed. This is when I catch up on Facebook, watch one of my TV shows, or do my reading. As soon as I sit in the recliner, my stomach starts to growl and I begin to think about what I should eat for breakfast. I hate that I wake up hungry - it seems like it would be so much easier to lose weight if you didn't start eating until 9 am! Anyway, I go to the kitchen and try to choose something healthy to eat, then go finish my quiet time with my breakfast. Once the kids are all up, I go to the bathroom to get ready, I weigh myself before getting in the shower. And every morning, I take a deep breath before stepping on the scale, then exhale to be sure to rid my lungs of all that extra oxygen weight! And then I think skinny - as though somehow believing the scale will show me a lower number will make it happen. And every morning it is the same. So I step off, reset the scale, and step back on. Same. Then the whole time I am in the shower I give myself this pep talk - "Today is the day. You will eat the right foods today. You will be more active today. You will eat small, healthy meals throughout the day. You won't eat anything fried today."
And then I do really well... Until lunch time when I have gotten all of my morning running around done, picked my daughter up from school, fed the kids their lunch and gotten them down for naps, and I'm finally ready to sit and eat. And I'm starving because it's 1 pm and I haven't eaten anything but a celery stick since 4:30 a.m. And a nice salad with some almonds and a glass of water just aren't going to cut it. And the only thing that sounds like it will satisfy is something hot and cheesy... Nachos? A quesadilla? Leftover enchiladas from dinner last night? (Did I mention that I LOVE Mexican food?) And on a really good day, I will deny that craving and eat the salad. And then an hour later I will open up a bag of Doritos and then it's all downhill from there. I've already blown it for today, might as well start again tomorrow.
One thing that Lysa wrote about that made me take pause was that she realized that she relied on food more than she did on God. That sounds so horrible to say, but it doesn't take much introspection to realize that it is also true in my life. She talked about turning to food for comfort, reward, joy, stress, sadness or happiness. Admittedly I am an emotional eater. And the emotions that most prompt eating for me are boredom, stress, and comfort.
As a stay at home mom of three and daycare provider for an 18 month old, boredom doesn't seem like it should factor into my day. The kids keep me busy, physically. The boredom for me is mental and emotional. When I am not talking to a friend, reading something, or doing something that gives me a challenge - my mind gets bored. And I eat.
As a stay at home mom of three and daycare provider for an 18 month old, believe it or not, stress does factor into my day. A lot! The stress of fighting to get my middle child out the door in the morning because slow and steady does not win that race! The stress of fighting the boys to get their homework done in the evening. The stress of wondering if I am going to have to force the kids to sit at the table until bedtime because they don't like the meal I put on their plate and refuse to eat it, even though it was their favorite last week. And of course the stress of finances, worrying about my friends and their various situations, and even trying to maintain some of my own friendships. And I eat.
And at the end of a long, crazy, bored, and stressful day... When the kids are in bed, and I am sitting next to my darling husband on our dual recliner, finally settled in for an hour of adult time... When I can take a deep breath and exhale and finally relax and let go of the activity of the day - what is more comforting than a before bed bowl of cereal?
So in response to Lysa's admission to her food reliance - I realize that these are all times that I turn to food rather than God. And they make up a big portion of my day. And they make up a Tower of Impossibility - as she puts it. And her solution to this is to remove each brick, one by one, in this tower of cravings, and reuse each brick to build a walkway of prayer.
I love this illustration, because it is easier for me to wrap my head around something that I can visualize in such a way. So from here on out, I am really going to try to refocus myself so that I can use each craving as a prompt to pray. And while the thought of just knocking the tower down all at once is so much more appealing - a nice quick fix - it just isn't realistic and history has shown that it just won't work in my life. So brick by brick, craving by craving, prayer by prayer, by the grace of God, I am going to take this tower down. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow morning when I step on that scale I will see a small change. And the next day. And the next.
God bless you!
While I was reading chapter 2 this morning it really hit close to home. So close, in fact, that it could have been written about me. The author started the chapter by talking about her morning ritual - so very similar to my own - and how it seemed to be a vicious cycle that she was powerless to stop.
My morning ritual goes something like this: I roll out of bed at 4:30 a.m. with the absolute resolve that today is the day I will stick to my plan and make the right choices all day long. I walk into the living room to sit down for a bit of quiet time before the kids get out of bed. This is when I catch up on Facebook, watch one of my TV shows, or do my reading. As soon as I sit in the recliner, my stomach starts to growl and I begin to think about what I should eat for breakfast. I hate that I wake up hungry - it seems like it would be so much easier to lose weight if you didn't start eating until 9 am! Anyway, I go to the kitchen and try to choose something healthy to eat, then go finish my quiet time with my breakfast. Once the kids are all up, I go to the bathroom to get ready, I weigh myself before getting in the shower. And every morning, I take a deep breath before stepping on the scale, then exhale to be sure to rid my lungs of all that extra oxygen weight! And then I think skinny - as though somehow believing the scale will show me a lower number will make it happen. And every morning it is the same. So I step off, reset the scale, and step back on. Same. Then the whole time I am in the shower I give myself this pep talk - "Today is the day. You will eat the right foods today. You will be more active today. You will eat small, healthy meals throughout the day. You won't eat anything fried today."
And then I do really well... Until lunch time when I have gotten all of my morning running around done, picked my daughter up from school, fed the kids their lunch and gotten them down for naps, and I'm finally ready to sit and eat. And I'm starving because it's 1 pm and I haven't eaten anything but a celery stick since 4:30 a.m. And a nice salad with some almonds and a glass of water just aren't going to cut it. And the only thing that sounds like it will satisfy is something hot and cheesy... Nachos? A quesadilla? Leftover enchiladas from dinner last night? (Did I mention that I LOVE Mexican food?) And on a really good day, I will deny that craving and eat the salad. And then an hour later I will open up a bag of Doritos and then it's all downhill from there. I've already blown it for today, might as well start again tomorrow.
One thing that Lysa wrote about that made me take pause was that she realized that she relied on food more than she did on God. That sounds so horrible to say, but it doesn't take much introspection to realize that it is also true in my life. She talked about turning to food for comfort, reward, joy, stress, sadness or happiness. Admittedly I am an emotional eater. And the emotions that most prompt eating for me are boredom, stress, and comfort.
As a stay at home mom of three and daycare provider for an 18 month old, boredom doesn't seem like it should factor into my day. The kids keep me busy, physically. The boredom for me is mental and emotional. When I am not talking to a friend, reading something, or doing something that gives me a challenge - my mind gets bored. And I eat.
As a stay at home mom of three and daycare provider for an 18 month old, believe it or not, stress does factor into my day. A lot! The stress of fighting to get my middle child out the door in the morning because slow and steady does not win that race! The stress of fighting the boys to get their homework done in the evening. The stress of wondering if I am going to have to force the kids to sit at the table until bedtime because they don't like the meal I put on their plate and refuse to eat it, even though it was their favorite last week. And of course the stress of finances, worrying about my friends and their various situations, and even trying to maintain some of my own friendships. And I eat.
And at the end of a long, crazy, bored, and stressful day... When the kids are in bed, and I am sitting next to my darling husband on our dual recliner, finally settled in for an hour of adult time... When I can take a deep breath and exhale and finally relax and let go of the activity of the day - what is more comforting than a before bed bowl of cereal?
So in response to Lysa's admission to her food reliance - I realize that these are all times that I turn to food rather than God. And they make up a big portion of my day. And they make up a Tower of Impossibility - as she puts it. And her solution to this is to remove each brick, one by one, in this tower of cravings, and reuse each brick to build a walkway of prayer.
I love this illustration, because it is easier for me to wrap my head around something that I can visualize in such a way. So from here on out, I am really going to try to refocus myself so that I can use each craving as a prompt to pray. And while the thought of just knocking the tower down all at once is so much more appealing - a nice quick fix - it just isn't realistic and history has shown that it just won't work in my life. So brick by brick, craving by craving, prayer by prayer, by the grace of God, I am going to take this tower down. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow morning when I step on that scale I will see a small change. And the next day. And the next.
God bless you!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Craving Personified
How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God (Psalm 84:1-2)
According to Lysa Terkeurst in her book "Made to Crave", this verse illustrates the idea that God did, in fact, make us to crave, he just never intended for the object of our craving to be food - or other things that people tend to struggle with. She also points out that Satan tries to lure us away from God by using cravings.
Before I get to the personal reflections at the end of chapter 1, I want to share the bible verse that I just wrote on my refrigerator door. It is a verse that Terkeurst referred to throughout her journey, and it really helped her. So now I would like to share it with you.
Everything is permissible -- but not everything is beneficial. (1 Corinthians 10:23)
It's a good reminder to think about what benefit might come from giving in to a craving - whether it be for food, or some other vice. And I know that for me, it is also important that I feel like everything is permissible - because what do you want more than the one thing you aren't allowed to have?
I suppose if I had to personify my cravings they would be the cliche devil on my shoulder, telling me, "You know you want it - look how good this food is, go ahead, eat it. You are already fat, what difference will one bite make?" And I suppose if I had to ask this little devil a question, it might be, simply, "Why do you want me to be fat? Why do you want me to fail?" And in sticking with the devil idea, I imagine his response would be, "Because anything that keeps you from being who God created you to be is a victory for me."
It makes perfect sense to me that God wants us to crave Him with every fiber of our being. What are you more passionate about than something you crave in that way? Lysa says in the book that we crave more of whatever we eat. Using that same theory, if we seek after the right things, won't we want to feast on them?
Breaking away from the food idea for a moment in an effort to find a craving that is healthy, I can say that one other thing that I craved deeply after my family moved away was to be close to them. That craving ultimately led us to become members of the church my parents had attended before they moved. I felt that the members of the church readily embraced me as family because of my parents involvement there - so it was a way to satisfy that craving. In "giving in" to that particular craving, I believe I took a step towards becoming the woman God wanted me to be. That is probably a good way for me to discern between healthy and unhealthy cravings - looking at the ultimate benefit that will come from "giving in".
I know that this is only chapter one of this book, and of my journey. Just the introduction. I'm looking forward to digging in more, to seeing what God wants me to learn, to drawing closer to Him, and learning how to crave Him rather than food.
So for today, I will pray that God will help me to crave Him in that Psalm 84 way. And I will be sure to look at the verse on my refrigerator every time I open it - and I will ask myself - what will the ultimate benefit be?
Thank you for sharing this time with me, and may God bless you today!
According to Lysa Terkeurst in her book "Made to Crave", this verse illustrates the idea that God did, in fact, make us to crave, he just never intended for the object of our craving to be food - or other things that people tend to struggle with. She also points out that Satan tries to lure us away from God by using cravings.
Before I get to the personal reflections at the end of chapter 1, I want to share the bible verse that I just wrote on my refrigerator door. It is a verse that Terkeurst referred to throughout her journey, and it really helped her. So now I would like to share it with you.
Everything is permissible -- but not everything is beneficial. (1 Corinthians 10:23)
It's a good reminder to think about what benefit might come from giving in to a craving - whether it be for food, or some other vice. And I know that for me, it is also important that I feel like everything is permissible - because what do you want more than the one thing you aren't allowed to have?
I suppose if I had to personify my cravings they would be the cliche devil on my shoulder, telling me, "You know you want it - look how good this food is, go ahead, eat it. You are already fat, what difference will one bite make?" And I suppose if I had to ask this little devil a question, it might be, simply, "Why do you want me to be fat? Why do you want me to fail?" And in sticking with the devil idea, I imagine his response would be, "Because anything that keeps you from being who God created you to be is a victory for me."
It makes perfect sense to me that God wants us to crave Him with every fiber of our being. What are you more passionate about than something you crave in that way? Lysa says in the book that we crave more of whatever we eat. Using that same theory, if we seek after the right things, won't we want to feast on them?
Breaking away from the food idea for a moment in an effort to find a craving that is healthy, I can say that one other thing that I craved deeply after my family moved away was to be close to them. That craving ultimately led us to become members of the church my parents had attended before they moved. I felt that the members of the church readily embraced me as family because of my parents involvement there - so it was a way to satisfy that craving. In "giving in" to that particular craving, I believe I took a step towards becoming the woman God wanted me to be. That is probably a good way for me to discern between healthy and unhealthy cravings - looking at the ultimate benefit that will come from "giving in".
I know that this is only chapter one of this book, and of my journey. Just the introduction. I'm looking forward to digging in more, to seeing what God wants me to learn, to drawing closer to Him, and learning how to crave Him rather than food.
So for today, I will pray that God will help me to crave Him in that Psalm 84 way. And I will be sure to look at the verse on my refrigerator every time I open it - and I will ask myself - what will the ultimate benefit be?
Thank you for sharing this time with me, and may God bless you today!
A New Journey
So it's been a while since I have posted. I think I have finally decided what direction this blog is going to take. I may lose some of you by changing directions, but I'm feeling compelled to go this way - so if you are still along for the journey - then Welcome! It's nice to have you here, and any comments and encouragement along the way will be appreciated.
New Years Resolutions. We have all made them, and we have all failed. They don't work. As our pastor preached in a recent sermon - habits will always win out over willpower. So this is not a "Resolution", so to speak. It is a personal challenge, a journey, a new direction. I haven't written about this before out of fear. Fear of judgement, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure. So here it is...
I am fat. No reason to be politically correct, or sugar coat it. No need for you to feel uncomfortable reading my admission - I'm not oblivious to it - I am aware. My love for food is no secret to those who know me - I love to cook it, I love to eat it. And quite honestly, I am not one of those people that walks around worried about what people think of my appearance. I am comfortable in my own skin - I am okay with who I am. I can go into a restaurant and eat my meal without worrying that people will be quietly commenting, "look what the fat girl is eating." I can shop in the plus size section without wondering what the dressing room attendant must be thinking about the sizes I ask for. Is this denial, or it is just me accepting myself?
But here's the thing - I am okay with my appearance. Sure, it would be nice NOT to have to shop in the plus size section. And although God has blessed me with amazing health despite my weight, how long will that blessing continue if I don't start to take care of myself. Oh, and one last thing... After a long chat with my dear Mom about my desire to learn more scripture, and live more in God's word, and a request for a nice daily devotional to start out the new year as a Christmas gift - I thought for sure she would know the perfect book to get me. Something that digs into the gospel of John, or a nice study on the book of Timothy. But on Christmas morning, the book I opened was nothing of the sort. The title, "Made to Crave; Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food".
Quite honestly, it was like a slap in the face. I quickly put it down and moved on to watch my children discover their next gifts. I didn't even want to turn the book over to read the back of it. I was embarrassed. In front of my husband. In front of myself. And I was angry with my Mom.
As I was putting gifts away, I again got a glimpse of the title of the book, and again shoved down any emotion, shut out any thought, and put the book away. And I didn't think of it again until I was driving with a friend a few days later. We were talking about dealing with children that were disappointed with their gifts that weren't just EXACTLY what they had asked for - and I admitted that I am sure my child inherited that "quality" from me. The inability to just smile and say thank you, even if it doesn't seem perfect. The inability to hide the disappointment. And in that moment I welled up with emotion as I admitted to my friend how hurt I was by this "thoughtful gift" from my mom. How it made me feel like after I poured my heart out to her about wanting to feel closer to God, and have greater knowledge of His word - THIS is what she came up with? A book about being FAT? How it made me feel like despite all of the spoken struggles in my life, the only one my mom can see when she looks at me is that I am fat. And I cried to my friend, and she suggested that maybe that wasn't my moms motivation at all. She knows my mom, and she was sure that my mom meant the gift to be something helpful, not hurtful. And she, of course, was right.
So I thought more about the gift at that time. And in that moment I decided that until I had a desire to open the book and read what was in it, I would not say a word about it to my mom. Of course my mom hadn't meant to hurt my feelings. But no matter how old we get, there is still a part of us that feels like a little kid when we deal with our parents - at least this is true in my case. So there was a part of me that felt very judged, and a part of me that felt like I was a disappointment to my parents. And yet another part of me that wanted to be rebellious and reject the book just because it came from my mom. And as all these thoughts swirled through my head, I knew that I couldn't address it with my mom until I could say something nice about it. So I kept my mouth shut. And I looked at the book every day, and I asked myself, "If I had seen this book at the store, would I have picked it up and bought it?" And I committed to myself that I would, in fact, open the book and start to read it.
And then my mom asked me about it before I had opened the book. And although I tried to explain that I didn't want to discuss it yet, we talked anyway, and I told her how I was feeling. And she explained how God had led her to this book, and how through prayer she had really received confirmation that it was the right gift to give me. And that she had read the book, and wanted to go through it together, as help mates to one another.
So now here I am, January 10th, and I cracked open the book. And I read the first chapter, and at the end of the chapter there are questions and reflections. And when I got to those questions, my first thought was to grab a notebook and jot down my answers and reflections. Then I thought, maybe I will type it in a Word document instead. And then I had the epiphany - why not blog about it?
Why not? Maybe because it is too personal! If I put it in writing, out there on the world wide web for anyone to read, someone might discover.... Discover what? That I am fat? That overeating is something that I struggle with? That I do not actually live the charmed life that we all like to show off with our posed pictures and well thought out status updates on facebook?
Okay, so here I am... If you have met me personally, or seen me in the last 20 years, the fact that I am fat is not a secret - so why should I try to hide that? And if you don't know me, or haven't seen me - this is me!
And if that offends you, then you don't have to read my blog. And as far as struggling with overeating - well that is also kind of a given, how else do you think I got fat? And as for my charmed life? Well, of course I am very blessed with beautiful, healthy children, an amazing, loving husband, a home, cars, and food on our table. God has not been stingy with me - he has showered me with blessings. The thing that would not fit under the "charmed" umbrella has nothing to do with the gifts I have been given. It has to do with how I receive them.
So I have decided to share my journey with anyone that wants to follow it. I know the road won't be easy, and I am certain that I will stumble and fall along the way. But this is a journey that I want to take, a change that I want to make in my life. And a destination that I know I cannot reach if I do not place my hand in the hand of God, and lean on Him for guidance along the way. I know that this posting has been very long - so thank you for sticking with me as you read through it. My next posting will be in response to chapter one of the book - which coincides with chapter one of this new life I am committing to.
God Bless you all in this new year, and in whatever journey are setting out on!
New Years Resolutions. We have all made them, and we have all failed. They don't work. As our pastor preached in a recent sermon - habits will always win out over willpower. So this is not a "Resolution", so to speak. It is a personal challenge, a journey, a new direction. I haven't written about this before out of fear. Fear of judgement, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure. So here it is...
I am fat. No reason to be politically correct, or sugar coat it. No need for you to feel uncomfortable reading my admission - I'm not oblivious to it - I am aware. My love for food is no secret to those who know me - I love to cook it, I love to eat it. And quite honestly, I am not one of those people that walks around worried about what people think of my appearance. I am comfortable in my own skin - I am okay with who I am. I can go into a restaurant and eat my meal without worrying that people will be quietly commenting, "look what the fat girl is eating." I can shop in the plus size section without wondering what the dressing room attendant must be thinking about the sizes I ask for. Is this denial, or it is just me accepting myself?
But here's the thing - I am okay with my appearance. Sure, it would be nice NOT to have to shop in the plus size section. And although God has blessed me with amazing health despite my weight, how long will that blessing continue if I don't start to take care of myself. Oh, and one last thing... After a long chat with my dear Mom about my desire to learn more scripture, and live more in God's word, and a request for a nice daily devotional to start out the new year as a Christmas gift - I thought for sure she would know the perfect book to get me. Something that digs into the gospel of John, or a nice study on the book of Timothy. But on Christmas morning, the book I opened was nothing of the sort. The title, "Made to Crave; Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food".
Quite honestly, it was like a slap in the face. I quickly put it down and moved on to watch my children discover their next gifts. I didn't even want to turn the book over to read the back of it. I was embarrassed. In front of my husband. In front of myself. And I was angry with my Mom.
As I was putting gifts away, I again got a glimpse of the title of the book, and again shoved down any emotion, shut out any thought, and put the book away. And I didn't think of it again until I was driving with a friend a few days later. We were talking about dealing with children that were disappointed with their gifts that weren't just EXACTLY what they had asked for - and I admitted that I am sure my child inherited that "quality" from me. The inability to just smile and say thank you, even if it doesn't seem perfect. The inability to hide the disappointment. And in that moment I welled up with emotion as I admitted to my friend how hurt I was by this "thoughtful gift" from my mom. How it made me feel like after I poured my heart out to her about wanting to feel closer to God, and have greater knowledge of His word - THIS is what she came up with? A book about being FAT? How it made me feel like despite all of the spoken struggles in my life, the only one my mom can see when she looks at me is that I am fat. And I cried to my friend, and she suggested that maybe that wasn't my moms motivation at all. She knows my mom, and she was sure that my mom meant the gift to be something helpful, not hurtful. And she, of course, was right.
So I thought more about the gift at that time. And in that moment I decided that until I had a desire to open the book and read what was in it, I would not say a word about it to my mom. Of course my mom hadn't meant to hurt my feelings. But no matter how old we get, there is still a part of us that feels like a little kid when we deal with our parents - at least this is true in my case. So there was a part of me that felt very judged, and a part of me that felt like I was a disappointment to my parents. And yet another part of me that wanted to be rebellious and reject the book just because it came from my mom. And as all these thoughts swirled through my head, I knew that I couldn't address it with my mom until I could say something nice about it. So I kept my mouth shut. And I looked at the book every day, and I asked myself, "If I had seen this book at the store, would I have picked it up and bought it?" And I committed to myself that I would, in fact, open the book and start to read it.
And then my mom asked me about it before I had opened the book. And although I tried to explain that I didn't want to discuss it yet, we talked anyway, and I told her how I was feeling. And she explained how God had led her to this book, and how through prayer she had really received confirmation that it was the right gift to give me. And that she had read the book, and wanted to go through it together, as help mates to one another.
So now here I am, January 10th, and I cracked open the book. And I read the first chapter, and at the end of the chapter there are questions and reflections. And when I got to those questions, my first thought was to grab a notebook and jot down my answers and reflections. Then I thought, maybe I will type it in a Word document instead. And then I had the epiphany - why not blog about it?
Why not? Maybe because it is too personal! If I put it in writing, out there on the world wide web for anyone to read, someone might discover.... Discover what? That I am fat? That overeating is something that I struggle with? That I do not actually live the charmed life that we all like to show off with our posed pictures and well thought out status updates on facebook?
Okay, so here I am... If you have met me personally, or seen me in the last 20 years, the fact that I am fat is not a secret - so why should I try to hide that? And if you don't know me, or haven't seen me - this is me!
And if that offends you, then you don't have to read my blog. And as far as struggling with overeating - well that is also kind of a given, how else do you think I got fat? And as for my charmed life? Well, of course I am very blessed with beautiful, healthy children, an amazing, loving husband, a home, cars, and food on our table. God has not been stingy with me - he has showered me with blessings. The thing that would not fit under the "charmed" umbrella has nothing to do with the gifts I have been given. It has to do with how I receive them.
So I have decided to share my journey with anyone that wants to follow it. I know the road won't be easy, and I am certain that I will stumble and fall along the way. But this is a journey that I want to take, a change that I want to make in my life. And a destination that I know I cannot reach if I do not place my hand in the hand of God, and lean on Him for guidance along the way. I know that this posting has been very long - so thank you for sticking with me as you read through it. My next posting will be in response to chapter one of the book - which coincides with chapter one of this new life I am committing to.
God Bless you all in this new year, and in whatever journey are setting out on!
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