Good Enough

I'm not good enough. There, I said it... And after all, isn't that something that we all think from time to time? The people that we label "weak" are the ones that will say it outright. The rest of us spend our days trying to convince our friends, coworkers, family, and even ourselves that we are, in fact, good enough. That we do measure up.  


I remember as a teenager that my world revolved around trying to be good enough - trying to fit into a very unforgiving mold. And the heartbreak that came as a result of not being able to fit that impossible mold. And I remember thinking that the handful of plastic people that did fit into that mold HAD IT ALL FIGURED OUT! There was no sadness, no struggle, no tears. No, they were the "Chosen Ones"! 


And now as an adult, I think I have it all figured out... I mean, we are all individuals, our uniqueness is what makes the world interesting, yadda yadda yadda. And of course I know that even the plastic people of my youth had their insecurities - they just dressed them in designer labels in hopes that no one else would notice.


So, in all of my maturity and brilliance, you can imagine my surprise when I was trying to psychoanalyze myself during my latest panic attack and what occurred to me was... I'm not good enough!!!  If I was a better mom my children would always listen and obey; if I was a better wife I wouldn't have a pile of clean laundry on my couch; if I was a harder worker my husband could work normal hours and be home with our family, if I was a better Christian I would be reading my bible right now instead of blogging; and if I was a better friend I would never have to question the status of any of my friendships.  


Some of these realizations are reminiscent of things that I heard at Women of Faith - and at the time I was in one of my periods of denial and thought, "Oh, those poor people who feel like they aren't good enough. So glad I have it all together!" And here I am now, a couple of weeks later, and I'm "suddenly" battling some pretty significant insecurities. And this brings me to the realization that in fact, WE ARE NOT PERFECT! And isn't that what it's all about? The reason that God sent his son to die for us is because we aren't perfect, we can't measure up, we are HUMAN! And that is where we have to submit to Him! Because as soon as we start getting all full of ourselves and thinking we have it all figured out, that's when the enemy slams us back to the ground.


I read something on Patsy Clairmont's blog that I really liked. "Our longing to be more is a good thing as long as we use it as motivation to move forward and not a whip to beat our selves up. Jesus gave His life for our freedom...let's live in it!"


Phillippians 4:6-9  reads, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."


And Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.


And Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved ME and gave himself for me."


So as hard as I try, and as much as I push myself, I will never be perfect. And that is okay. I don't have to be anxious for anything. I am GOOD ENOUGH for HIM, I am a CHOSEN ONE, and through Christ, I am made perfect.